".....Baby I'm-A Want You.....Baby, I'm-a want you.....Baby, I'm-a need you.....You the only one I care enough to hurt about.....Maybe I'm-a crazy.....But I just can't live without.....Your lovin' and affection....."

i want this to work. real bad. and i still have alot of feelings that i'm setting myself up. and there's a reason i'm having them. i just don't know the reason yet. but i'll only find out soon enough. but i can put money on the fact that the reason is because i actually am setting myself up. for failure. but i guess i shouldn't look at it as failure. more of as a mistake. or a learning experience. that makes it sound less harsh. even though it can be quite harsh at times. but we all learn from mistakes. and so i should use this to my advantage. and that sounds like an excellent idea right now. whoo.

".....Used to be my life was just emotions passing by.....Then you came along and made me laugh.....And made me cry.....You taught me why....."

and i hate the fact that i take everything so damn seriously. and that i over-analyze. it ends up getting me in the end. so i guess i know why i fail at some of these things. it's because i try to figure it all out. which isn't possible. so i should stop beating myself up about it. and just go with the flow. and take things as they come. i know i always say this. but i just feel like if i say it enough then maybe i'll actually get around to doing it. which is most likely the case. cuz that's what i tend to do.

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today was pretty good. got up around 1. then got ready and went to the pool for a couple hours and had lunch. then i came home and showered. and my mom made dinner. i like this whole sitting down for dinner as a family thing. i didn't think i would. but i do. i'll admit it. then i cleaned my room for like about 2 hours. and the 2 hours went by really fast. i went through all my old school stuff from last year. and read the notes that i had kept. and threw all my papers and folders and stuff away. and then i threw most of the notes away. cept the ones that were actually worth keeping. which were very few. then i cleaned off my dressers. and i actually unpacked my stuff from recital and dance camp because it's been sitting at the bottom of my closet for close to a month. and i feel happy now. i like my room being clean. now i just have to finish painting my night stands. and my jewelry shelf. and then i want to hang the pictures and bulliten boards on the wall. and put all my laundry away. it's been sitting in my basket for about 2-3 months. i need to get on that. and once that is all done. i will be extrememly happy with myself. tomorow going to breakfast with my dad. uh. not really looking forward to it. then we are going to go to the club and swim. then we are having people over for dinner. i'm excited. it should be really fun. leave me pretty comments. one more day of this xanga before its been a YEAR! but i'll have my new one. and i'm excited. i need change. whoo.

".....Baby, I'm-a want you.....Baby, I'm-a need you.....Oh, it took so long to find you, baby....."

".....Just a small town girl.....Living in a lonely world.....She took the midnight train going anywhere.....Just a city boy.....Born and raised in South Detroit.....He took the midnight train going anywhere....."

and i don't know why i start liking random people. i can't exactly figure it out. none of them seem to have anything in common with each other. it's just like one day i start liking them. random. and out of the blue. but i guess it could still be a possibility. but i doubt it. alot. but who knows. i'll try. and we'll see what happens.

".....Some will win, some will lose.....Some were born to sing the blues.....Oh the movie never ends.....It goes on and on and on and on....."

it's the same thing over and over again. so i don't know why i'm worrying about it. it will all work out in the end. even if it's not what i had in mind. and even with all of my past experiences. everything will end up great. and life will be the same. so i don't know why i'm having all these mixed feelings. it's so damn confusing. and i pretty much hate it. and i'm trying not to let it get to me. really. i am. i'm doing the best that i can. i guess i'll just have to try a little bit harder.

".....A singer in a smoky room.....A smell of wine and cheap perfume.....For a smile they can share the night.....It goes on and on and on and on....."

today was pretty good. i woke up at 10 till 10. an hour later than planned. dance team started at 9:30. so i called my mom and was like omg i missed dance team. so she told me just to go for the rest of it. i got to hayden at 10. and practiced until 10:30. then i came home and showered and got ready. then watched laguna beach. i actually got to watch the whole show this time. i was excited. and i found the song off of it that i've been wondering about for the last week. hence the song on my xanga today. it's this one. then my grandma came and picked me and my sister up at 1. and we went to her school to help her get some stuff put together and ready for enrollment. we go back monday to finish helping. then tonight i'm going to eat at applebee's with my dad and sister. then we are going to the mall. i hate to say it. but i'm actually kind of glad we are going tonight. idk why. just a random feeling. i'm not dreading it. whoo. this could be a good sign. but i'll write more when we come back.

".....Don't stop believing.....Hold on to that feeling.....Streetlight people....."

xoxo lana jo <3